Ok, I know it’s not a sexy topic, or funny, or clever, or anything but boring, but recent events have caused me to take this very seriously, and now I will be climbing to the top of Flag Pole Hill to shout about it.

As your self-appointed Senior Influencer, I would be remiss if I did not talk to you about Senior Safety.

Look, if you are over 70, and many of you are; or if you care about someone who is over 70; or if you will one day be over 70, you whippersnapper, you need to listen.

Several months back we talked about the Apple Watch with Fall Detection. Since then I have more friends who have gotten one at my urging. One friend got one for herself after a fall and has gifted them to her sisters and brothers. Another got hers just in time to take a tumble on a curb while she was out sketching alone and was relieved to know she would have gotten help had she needed it.

So yay Fall Detection! But you have to have it charged up and be wearing it for it to work. For many of our seniors, this is too complicated. They need something simple, reliable and ever-present. For them a lavalier or bracelet device is a better choice. They never have to charge them or remove them to sleep or shower.

Now back to the Apple Watch for I must continue to praise it beyond my natural inclination toward Apple products, which is to loathe them and their selfish proprietary-ness.

Anyway, twice the Apple Watch has saved my bacon when my iPhone failed me. Once after arriving home from traveling, I needed to get an Uber, but my phone mysteriously went black (another tech issue for another day) and just then Adam called me and I was able to answer on the watch and have him call an Uber for me. It happened again and I was able to call someone on my watch. That was after Corey showed me that most everything I can do with my phone, I can do with my watch.

Next I have a cautionary tale for you. My friend Susan (not her name, really) is 89 and getting more unsteady on her feet. She lives alone and has three successful and busy sons who all live out of town. She fell recently on a Sunday morning, tripping over her own feet as we do and was unable to regain her balance and danced across the floor as we do, until she landed in a heap on the floor somewhere in the vicinity of her couch and her coffee table. She was unhurt, but unable to get up.

Let’s take a minute to talk about why we can’t get up (you’ve seen the commercials. They are not lying. Except on the ground.) This is not a scientific study:

1. We no longer have padding in our knees to use as a cushion and it is painful to kneel.
2. We have plenty of other padding in all the wrong places, mostly around the middle, and so our weight is like a huge, heavy round magnet that wants to stay firmly grounded.
3. We no longer have enough uppor body strength or lower body strength (or any strength at all)
4. So we are unable to lift the dead weight of our middle off the ground without fulcrums, pulleys, a winch or a professional weight-lifter.

My sweet friend sat there with her phone and did not call for help. Why? Because she thought she would be able to get up. And because she is the sweetest person ever, she did not want to bother anyone on a Sunday morning.

After church a friend called to check on her, noticing her absence. That’s when the texting began. All the friends began speculating about what should be done. Keep in mind, they are all older also. Susan didn’t want any help. She might call the fire department, but she just didn’t want to bother anyone. She would be able to get up.

Coming home from a late lunch, I saw the texting. I got back in my car, drove to her home, could not get in the locked back door or any door or any window. I could see her through the door, on the floor. I called the fire department. They broke into the lock on the back door. Two very strong fire-women lifted my friend from the floor and deposited her in a chair. She was relieved.

I began to cry.

You see, I have some powerful and disturbing memories (my personal PTSD) from the week that Scott died.

He had knee replacement surgery early that week, came home on Tuesday, and fell on Wednesday. Ordinarily he could have gotten to his knees and hoisted himself off the floor. Not that week. His knee was fragile and he was a very heavy man. He could not get up. I could not get him up. I called Molly; we could not get him up. I called my brother who came over wearing his furniture lifting belt. We could not get him up. I called the fire department. They had to call the paramedics. Eventually, it took four firemen and a basket to pick him up from the floor and deposit him unceremoniously back on the bed. He would never have gotten up.

Four days later he collapsed on the driveway as I was trying to get him to the emergency room. He could not get up. I could not get him up. I called the fire department. By the time they got there, he was gone.

My friend was not getting up by herself. I called the fire department. By the way, it is free. They are there to help. And they were so careful not to damage her door or break the glass.

Here’s the take-away from that afternoon:

1. Ask for help. And if your friend or loved one says they don’t need help. Ignore them.
2. Keep a spare key somewhere the FD can get to (or a helpful friend. )
3. Fall- and trip-proof your home. Keep walkways, hallways and floors clear.
4. Work on strengthening upper and lower body. Practice getting up from the floor.
5. Keep the phone charged up and handy always. Or wear your emergency device or Apple Watch. ALL THE TIME.

My Tapestry women made a pact that we would not let this happen again. We will check on each other and come to the aid of each other, sometimes if we want it or not. And we would all put a spare key in a container in our yard. Mine is in a magnetic box on the inside of my mailbox.

Don’t tell anyone.

Here are some key rocks I found online. The FD said to paint it purple or something. That may defeat the purpose of a secret key, but figure out a way to distinguish it from other things in your yard or patio.

Finally, and above all, don’t be afraid, embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. We don’t care if your house is clean or you are wearing your nightie. Get someone to come to get you up.

It might save your life. Or the life of someone you love.