The photo above features my beloved friend, Robin, who just happens to be my daughters Erin and Sarah’s mom and Scott’s ex-wife. This picture is of us at a performance of our show, One Earth, in 2002. She died 23 years ago today.
That got me thinking.
About time and how we spend it.
Many of my friends are either widows (or widowers), members of The Worst Club Ever, as I am, or they have been divorced for a number of years and are therefore decidedly single. They are also hovering around my age (full disclosure, that’s 74, and I don’t care who knows it.)
I talk to them all frequently, and often the subject turns to how we spend our time. Not so much our daily schedules, but more a philosophy of time, how much we have left, and the expenditure of it.
But in order to discuss that philosophy, I will give you a brief overview of my typical day:
6:30-10:00 a.m. The Sacred Hours (my friend Lee and I coined this yesterday, as these represent the time we use to center ourselves for the day, a kind of meditation that will not be encroached upon.)
Exercises, tea and biscotti, music, NYT word games with friends, texting, a call from Molly to make sure I’m alive, checking my calendar, making lists, and some kind of breakfast.
10:00-11:00 a.m. Dress and Household Chores such as laundry, dishes, trash, etc. I make my bed every day.
11:00-2:00 p.m. Out of the House can include errands, meetings, lunch or appointments. (If I have no reason to be out of the house, I might use this time to junk journal, clean out a closet, decorate for a holiday, or squander hours scrolling Reels. Don’t judge me; I’m retired.)
2:00-5:00 or 6:00 p.m. Office Writing and the Business of Writing. May also include personal business, like bills, email, and online shopping. Writing can also include editing, navel-gazing, or wool-gathering. These are important parts of the process.
6:00 -11:00 p.m. Dinner and TV. My current obsession is The West Wing, which I am binge-watching. Except on Thursday, when my brother Ted and I are watching the new episodes of Reacher. Oh, hush, you’re watching, too.
I might also read, but only when I have a free 24 hours stretching before me. I have to get to the end.
BTW, the idea that I am sleeping from 11:00 to 6:30 is a colossal joke.
All this is to say I do what I want, and so do most of my friends who have time on their hands. Many of them volunteer somewhere, are active in their church, walk, exercise more than I do, maybe at a gym or with a trainer, play mahjong, canasta, bridge, bunko, or chess. Some still work, part-time or full-time, because they need to or because they want to. They are in book clubs or other organizations that meet regularly. Many travel or have hobbies they spend time on. The men often go for coffee every morning at a nearby hangout.
Like water seeking its own level, we find the pastimes that bring us joy, the easy structure to our days that we become protective of, the social outlets that serve as support and sustenance. We become content; we become happy; we love life.
All this is NOT to say we don’t miss our spouse or even wish we had someone else to share parts of our lives with. But we are in a new chapter, one we write as we go along. There is comfortable blandness, mundane routine, even boredom sometimes, but adventure is out there. Waiting, calling, its siren song whispering in our ear: Come on! Over here! You’re not through yet!