Let me start by saying that I cherish your comments on my writings and I am so glad that my thoughts resonate with many of you as you are struggling with the loss of someone dear. Periodically, I will become completely miserable and take us all down a dark rabbit hole, but hopefully through humor, we can climb out into the sunshine and start again.

So now to something completely different. Here’s hoping you will relate to it as well.

Some of you may know that I’m a SNACKER.

Thus follows a series of confessions which are both embarrassing and (from my conversations with many of you) universal.

1. I hide in the pantry to eat cookies (or just about anything) so I won’t tempt other people who are trying to diet. Also I’m hiding from God, much like Eve in the garden, as if God won’t see my sin if I do it amidst my laundry and canned goods. Granted I don’t do this as much as I did when my kids were little or Scott was alive, but still. . . it happens.
2. Sometimes I get desperate enough that I will consume the remainder of a bag of mini marshmallows or chocolate chips (the semi-sweet kind, not even the good ones.) Yes, I am ashamed about this.
3. Two nights ago I drove through Andy’s Custard and got a pint of vanilla with cherries to eat right then and another pint of Heath Bar for the next night. They were delicious.
4. I used to complain that in order to stay up late with Scott in the evenings, I would have to eat to stay awake. I can go to bed whenever I like now, but I still stay up late and I’m still snacking right up until that woman on TikTok suggests I might need to go to sleep now.

And so, aware of my shortcomings and my desire to avoid any further medication, my doctor suggested I see a nutritionist. I think this is an excellent idea and Medicare approved of it, too. So I made an appointment and they sent me to a portal to fill in the requisite medical info. This included a rundown of the preceding day’s food intake.

OH, NO! I had no idea how out of hand my snacking had become until I listed a day’s worth of grievances.

Breakfast: Peaches and a sweet roll (not that terrible, but why hadn’t I made a fruit smoothie or oatmeal or eggs or any of the five hundred other breakfast foods in my kitchen?) Worse, I had poured coffee creamer over the peaches. No, I didn’t include that on the form. I have some shred of dignity left.

Lunch: Taco Bell burrito and taco. In my defense I was out running errands (and by running, I mean driving, geez.) I actually only do fast food about once a week. But it fell on that day, which is a cruel joke.

Afternoon: I went upstairs to work and popped a bag of popcorn (theatre butter) to take with me because it is lonely and quiet up there and that makes me want to eat. But I took a Diet Coke, too, so it balanced out.

Dinner: I warmed up a leftover breaded chicken piccata from Trader Joes and actually made a salad with mixed greens, chopped mini peppers, and chopped cucumbers. Yes, I try to have a decent dinner, which is healthy, but in no way curtails the evening’s debauchery.

Evening: I found a box of Trader Joe cookies and had four of those, the rest of the popcorn, and the Heath Bar ice cream. I was finally stopped by the TikTok woman, thank God.

I go to the nutritionist the first of September so I’ll share that journey with you in future posts.

Until then, I will hope for the willpower to stay out of the pantry after dinner.

But, I saw a bag of mini-marshmallows in there this morning, so it doesn’t look good.